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archaeologists (correction)
Message de mercidavance posté le 10-03-2008 à 00:45:12 (S | E | F)
Voici mon petit devoir d'anglais le sujet est d'écrire une mystérieuse histoire en 200 mot en utilisant le prétérit et e past perfect
Alors ne pourriez-vous pas corriger ce petit passage? Et soyez gentils de me dire comment ça vous paraît généralement. Je crains que ça ne soit trop simple, peut-être a-t-on d'autres bonnes phrases pour améliorer cette histoire?
Bon, je vous remercie en avance, le voilà:
A group of archaeologists left in search of an Egyptian grave which is the one of Otzi, a Pharaoh. The grave had was finally found in the ruins of a sanctuary of Cairo.
Carter, the leader of the archaelogical squad was impatient to examined the mummy, he dug up it and he perceived on the nech an amulet where he written in hieroglyph : do not touch me. He prevented his collegues to leave it such which was. The group conscious of the danger obeyed has Carter.
After several working hours Carter decides to rest in is tent and lets its squad make the rest. The following mornig Carter returned to ruins. Suddently he was upset by what he had just seen. He realized round the grave all these carbonized parners. Carter was to shock, he was forowful an downcast. He suspected that their death was had to in the mummy. Not knowing any more what to make he paniced, because he knew so-so that his hour was to arrive seen that he had to touch the mummy. All these colleagues had died. Carter entered rashly its tent and tried to call help with its mobile phone. But regrettably there was not a battery anymore. He went away as quickly as possible in city because the grave was enough far from houses. Once income with the help everything had disappeared: the grave, the team of Carter and the camp.
Nobody believed Carter and we never found his troop. The mummy Otzi rested in peace in the fine bottom of the ruins of the pyramid of Egypt, when has Carter he returned only, in England completely confuse with the famous amulet of Otzi.
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Modifié par bridg le 10-03-2008 06:35
titre
Message de mercidavance posté le 10-03-2008 à 00:45:12 (S | E | F)
Voici mon petit devoir d'anglais le sujet est d'écrire une mystérieuse histoire en 200 mot en utilisant le prétérit et e past perfect
Alors ne pourriez-vous pas corriger ce petit passage? Et soyez gentils de me dire comment ça vous paraît généralement. Je crains que ça ne soit trop simple, peut-être a-t-on d'autres bonnes phrases pour améliorer cette histoire?
Bon, je vous remercie en avance, le voilà:
A group of archaeologists left in search of an Egyptian grave which is the one of Otzi, a Pharaoh. The grave had was finally found in the ruins of a sanctuary of Cairo.
Carter, the leader of the archaelogical squad was impatient to examined the mummy, he dug up it and he perceived on the nech an amulet where he written in hieroglyph : do not touch me. He prevented his collegues to leave it such which was. The group conscious of the danger obeyed has Carter.
After several working hours Carter decides to rest in is tent and lets its squad make the rest. The following mornig Carter returned to ruins. Suddently he was upset by what he had just seen. He realized round the grave all these carbonized parners. Carter was to shock, he was forowful an downcast. He suspected that their death was had to in the mummy. Not knowing any more what to make he paniced, because he knew so-so that his hour was to arrive seen that he had to touch the mummy. All these colleagues had died. Carter entered rashly its tent and tried to call help with its mobile phone. But regrettably there was not a battery anymore. He went away as quickly as possible in city because the grave was enough far from houses. Once income with the help everything had disappeared: the grave, the team of Carter and the camp.
Nobody believed Carter and we never found his troop. The mummy Otzi rested in peace in the fine bottom of the ruins of the pyramid of Egypt, when has Carter he returned only, in England completely confuse with the famous amulet of Otzi.
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Modifié par bridg le 10-03-2008 06:35
titre
Réponse: archaeologists (correction) de jean31, postée le 10-03-2008 à 11:41:39 (S | E)
Bonjour,
Rappel 1 : forme passive = auxiliaire be conjugué + participe passé du verbe. Que vient faire « had » là dedans ?
rappel 2 : to + Base Verbale
le pronom complément d’un verbe à postposition s’intercale généralement entre celui-ci et celle-la.
faute de frappe sur neck et COD immédiatement après le verbe, please !
he written ???? une forme passive ayant pour sujet « do not touch me » serait bienvenue.
such which was ???? => as it was serait préférable.
Le reste est à l’avenant et pue le traducteur automatique à plein nez.
Je n’en veux pour exemple que « obeyed has Carter » qui est censé vouloir dire « obéit à Carter » !!!
Conclusion : copie à revoir, jeune homme, et sérieusement s’il te plaît.
A te lire.
