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Peter / correction
Message de val1602 posté le 17-03-2009 à 17:55:36 (S | E | F)
BONJOUR tous le monde j'ai eu un devoir et je voulais savoir si ceci était correcte
Germaine and Peter will have their first child in 1952. Peter was 22 years old, the baby's called Robert. Germaine, his wife, died in 1972 in reason of a lung cancer. Peter, after that, came back in the army like a fighter pilot to his 50 years. He moved family house with his single son, Robert, until Marseilles, he bought over there an old house dating from the time of the french revolution where they lived 15 years old with his family. In 1982, Robert caught a sickness which made him lose the sight. For him, what remained him were the music and his son who often took along to fishing every Sunday: the fishing was the thing he preferred after the music of course. His son, very admiring of his father, wanted to go also to war like him to kill people
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Modifié par bridg le 17-03-2009 19:27
titre distinctif
Message de val1602 posté le 17-03-2009 à 17:55:36 (S | E | F)
BONJOUR tous le monde j'ai eu un devoir et je voulais savoir si ceci était correcte
Germaine and Peter will have their first child in 1952. Peter was 22 years old, the baby's called Robert. Germaine, his wife, died in 1972 in reason of a lung cancer. Peter, after that, came back in the army like a fighter pilot to his 50 years. He moved family house with his single son, Robert, until Marseilles, he bought over there an old house dating from the time of the french revolution where they lived 15 years old with his family. In 1982, Robert caught a sickness which made him lose the sight. For him, what remained him were the music and his son who often took along to fishing every Sunday: the fishing was the thing he preferred after the music of course. His son, very admiring of his father, wanted to go also to war like him to kill people
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Modifié par bridg le 17-03-2009 19:27
titre distinctif
Réponse: Peter / correction de brettdallen, postée le 17-03-2009 à 22:47:51 (S | E)
Bonsoir Peter,
Je souligne ce qui ne va pas...
Germaine and Peter will have(pourquoi cette forme verbale? c'est fait, ils ont eu leur premier enfant) their first child in 1952. Peter was 22 years old, the baby's called Robert. Germaine, his wife, died in 1972 in reason of a (vérifiez "die"+ préposition?)lung cancer. Peter, after that(plutôt mal placé), came back in the army like("as" est plus approprié) a fighter pilot to( "when he was" or "until he was"?) his (non!)50 years. He moved family(si "moved", ce n'est pas utile, sinon: "he left his family house") house with his single("fils unique"? vérifiez dans un dictionnaire..) son, Robert, until Marseilles, he bought over there an old house dating from the time of the french revolution where they lived(for)15 years old(non! ce mot s'utilise pour l'âge, pas pour une durée) with his family. In 1982, Robert caught a sickness which made him lose the(pas nécessaire) sight. For him, what remained him(pas nécessaire) were(ou "was") the(pas nécessaire, ici=généralité) music and his son who often took along to fishing every Sunday: the(généralité!) fishing was the thing he preferred after the music of course. His son, very admiring of his father, wanted to go also (mal placé)to war like him to kill people
Je n'ai pas tout corrigé, mais c'est un point de départ..
