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letter to The Observer /correction
Message de laetitia974 posté le 05-12-2009 à 06:17:16 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
J'ai un sujet à rédiger. Pourriez-vous m'aidez à le corriger s'il vous plait ?
Le sujet est : Write a letter to The Observer to say you are against this system. Give your reasons (80words)
Voila ce que j'ai fait :
Adress expéditeur
December 09, 2003
The Oberver
Sir, Madam
On December 7, 2003, I looked at your newspaper and I saw the article which spoke at monitoring system by mobile phone. I decided to write to you to announce my opinion on this subject. For me, such a system should not exist. Indeed, I am in total disagreement against the use of this technique in the work world. If an employee does not come to work, it must have good reason. With this technology, the owner is with the current of the movements of these employees. Indeed, if is a personal problem, the employers will know the reasons of them. For me, that returns quite simply to the espionage. It is an invasion of privacy.
Your truly
Signiature
Merci à tous pour vos aides.
-------------------
Modifié par bridg le 05-12-2009 06:19
forum
Message de laetitia974 posté le 05-12-2009 à 06:17:16 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
J'ai un sujet à rédiger. Pourriez-vous m'aidez à le corriger s'il vous plait ?
Le sujet est : Write a letter to The Observer to say you are against this system. Give your reasons (80words)
Voila ce que j'ai fait :
Adress expéditeur
December 09, 2003
The Oberver
Sir, Madam
On December 7, 2003, I looked at your newspaper and I saw the article which spoke at monitoring system by mobile phone. I decided to write to you to announce my opinion on this subject. For me, such a system should not exist. Indeed, I am in total disagreement against the use of this technique in the work world. If an employee does not come to work, it must have good reason. With this technology, the owner is with the current of the movements of these employees. Indeed, if is a personal problem, the employers will know the reasons of them. For me, that returns quite simply to the espionage. It is an invasion of privacy.
Your truly
Signiature
Merci à tous pour vos aides.
-------------------
Modifié par bridg le 05-12-2009 06:19
forum
Réponse: letter to The Observer /correction de seb06000, postée le 05-12-2009 à 06:33:07 (S | E)
bonjour,
je vous indique ce qu'il faut corriger
The Oberver ( ortho...c'est dans le sujet
)Sir, Madam
On December 7, 2003, I looked at( préposition à changer=> look at = regarder mais de face) your newspaper and I saw the article which spoke at (préposition => parler de, to speak...) monitoring system by mobile phone. I decided to write to (preposition inutile ) you to announce ( to announce, ne marche pas avec Opinion) my opinion on this subject. For me, such a system should not exist. Indeed, I am in total disagreement against( préposition; to disagree ****) the use of this technique in the work world. If an employee does not come to work, it( sujet, il s'agit d'un humain) must have good reason (article indéfini manquant ou mettez reason au pluriel) . With this technology, the owner is with the current ( calque du français, il faut passer par un synonyme => connaitre etc) of the movements of these( possessif à revoir) employees. Indeed, if ( sujet?) is a personal problem, the employers will know the reasons of them (il faut un possessif => leur raison) . For me, that returns quite simply ( mal dit) to the espionage( voc). It is an invasion of privacy ( voc ou alors transformez private en adjectif et ajoutez lui un nom.
Your truly (expression à revoir)
Amicalement
sebastien
Réponse: letter to The Observer /correction de laetitia974, postée le 05-12-2009 à 07:47:14 (S | E)
Bonjour,
Merci pour votre aide. Je le corrige puis je le posterais.
Merci
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