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Correction/feelings of teenagers
Message de serika posté le 09-05-2010 à 21:10:39 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
je fais un devoir facultatif en anglais car je voudrais m'améliorer. Or, je ne sais pas du tout si ce que j'ai écrit a un sens et est grammaticalement correct. C'est pour ça que je vous demande votre aide pour m'aider à corriger ma rédaction.
Voici ma rédaction ;(il s'agit d'un devoir sur la violence dans les médias) :
1) To me, the title brings up feelings of teenagers. Indeed, hen a child become a teen, his vision of his world is shattered and his personality builds itself. But if teenagers feel misunderstood because adults ignore them so they feel bad and do stupid things.
3) The states where slaughters have happened are Washington, Alaska, Missouri, Kentucky, Arkansas.
4) The writer means the cause the most important which teenagers drag along to kill is the rejection by the society. For exemple, in somple place, blacj people is rejected by white people because of his colour. So a teen who are rejected by others must feel sad and can do wrong something.
5) For him, teen violence due to media. According to him, media points violence up by music, movies, television, video games, magazines and trend. Thanks to media, teenagers should release their bad feelings against society.
6)Whriter advices to parents to keep watch teens intertainment over and to guide them in their growth. He recommend them to lead in the way of violenceless.
Redaction : I'm agree with the writer's opinion but I think there are others reasons about teenager's violence. Indeed, the most of teen killers have grown up in difficult environmental condition. If parents haven't minded their children, they feel lost and they don't equilibrate. They do stupid thing for make their point. We can't forbid teenagers to look TV or listen music but we can show them the violence of this thins.
En même temps, si vous pouviez me dire ce qui ne va pas en général (ex : mauvaise gestion des temps ou de la grammaire ...), ça m'aiderait beaucoup.
Merci beaucoup !
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Modifié par lucile83 le 09-05-2010 21:13
Message de serika posté le 09-05-2010 à 21:10:39 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
je fais un devoir facultatif en anglais car je voudrais m'améliorer. Or, je ne sais pas du tout si ce que j'ai écrit a un sens et est grammaticalement correct. C'est pour ça que je vous demande votre aide pour m'aider à corriger ma rédaction.
Voici ma rédaction ;(il s'agit d'un devoir sur la violence dans les médias) :
1) To me, the title brings up feelings of teenagers. Indeed, hen a child become a teen, his vision of his world is shattered and his personality builds itself. But if teenagers feel misunderstood because adults ignore them so they feel bad and do stupid things.
3) The states where slaughters have happened are Washington, Alaska, Missouri, Kentucky, Arkansas.
4) The writer means the cause the most important which teenagers drag along to kill is the rejection by the society. For exemple, in somple place, blacj people is rejected by white people because of his colour. So a teen who are rejected by others must feel sad and can do wrong something.
5) For him, teen violence due to media. According to him, media points violence up by music, movies, television, video games, magazines and trend. Thanks to media, teenagers should release their bad feelings against society.
6)Whriter advices to parents to keep watch teens intertainment over and to guide them in their growth. He recommend them to lead in the way of violenceless.
Redaction : I'm agree with the writer's opinion but I think there are others reasons about teenager's violence. Indeed, the most of teen killers have grown up in difficult environmental condition. If parents haven't minded their children, they feel lost and they don't equilibrate. They do stupid thing for make their point. We can't forbid teenagers to look TV or listen music but we can show them the violence of this thins.
En même temps, si vous pouviez me dire ce qui ne va pas en général (ex : mauvaise gestion des temps ou de la grammaire ...), ça m'aiderait beaucoup.
Merci beaucoup !
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 09-05-2010 21:13
Réponse: Correction/feelings of teenagers de may, postée le 11-05-2010 à 04:43:37 (S | E)
Bonsoir,
1) To me, the title brings up feelings of teenagers. Indeed, hen a child become ( verbe singulier ) a teen, his ( remplacer par un article défini ) vision of his world is shattered and his personality builds ( une préposition ) itself. But if teenagers feel (verbe to be) misunderstood because adults ignore them so they feel bad and do stupid things.(reviser cette phrase, utiliser ponctuation et omettre un ou deux conjonction )
3) The states where slaughters have happened are Washington, Alaska, Missouri, Kentucky, Arkansas.
4) The writer means (the cause) the most important ( inverser le nom ) which teenagers drag along to kill ( choisir un autre expression is the rejection by the society. For exemple, in somple place,blacj people is (pluriel ) rejected by white people because of his colour (racist?). So a teen who are ( a teen ou teens ) rejected by others must feel sad and (can) do wrong something( autre mot ).
Je vais continuer après votre correction.
Good night,
Réponse: Correction/feelings of teenagers de serika, postée le 11-05-2010 à 07:10:35 (S | E)
Merci beaucoup ! Je réecrirais le texte le texte avec votre correction ce soir.
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